How to Raise Great Failures

When you are a fiercely protective parent, you want to do anything in your power to protect your kids from experiencing failure. I get it! Who wants their child to struggle? The problem with this is that when kids do not experience failure, they miss out on learning from their mistakes. They start to believe that they don’t make mistakes, and they don’t know how to handle failure, loss, and mistakes in a healthy way.

For example, let’s say Johnny fails his first 7th-grade science test. He’s feeling awful so you email the teacher and ask if he can retake the test or do extra credit. The teacher states that Johnny did not take the opportunity to bring in tools to help him on the test, including an index card where he could write down information to use during the exam. As a result, Johnny is not allowed to retake the test or do extra credit. Johnny’s parent goes to the principal and demand justice! 

The problem with this reaction is that Johnny learns that his parents will come in and fix things for him, so he does not need to take ownership of his actions. Most importantly though, Johnny gets the message that his parents don’t think he can handle things on his own and he begins to believe that himself. He misses the opportunity to learn from his mistake and learn how to view and process failures in a healthy way. Later on in life, he may struggle when he is on his own and makes mistakes, often blaming others for his misfortune.

What if instead of swooping in as the fierce protector, the parent becomes the support system, allowing Johnny to fail and learn from his mistake, walking through the process with Johnny instead of solving the difficulties and resolving the failure for him? When the parent allows their tween or teen to experience failure and shows them how to navigate the feelings and the situation, the kid learns life lessons, gains healthy coping skills, and becomes accustomed to embracing failure, mistakes, and loss as a part of life. What an important life skill we all need!

So if you have the urge to protect your child from failure or loss, take a step back, and see where you can turn this moment of difficulty into a learning experience supporting your child in the best way possible. And if you are struggling to figure out when and how to do this, click here to join the waitlist for my Middle School Masterclass Parent Course where we discuss embracing failure and more!